Turn off your TV, look in a mirror, and appreciate the only body you have. It is nothing less than a miracle that you wake up everyday with the ability to value and revere yourself. Take advantage of what you have. Their bones aren’t what is sexy, their confidence is. Only a fool would think otherwise.
I didn’t sleep well last night. I kept having dream after dream of you. They were so vivid. I would wake up so disoriented, happy, then sad. Now they’re just stuck with me for the rest of the day. I don’t want to do anything. I want to drink whiskey, smoke a cigarette, lay in bed, and watch old black and white films all day. Instead I’m off to my final chemistry lab, then write up a lab report, study, and then finally take a chemistry exam. All while trailing strings of remnant memories behind me, woven together by fleeting sensations of a distant and now tasteless happiness.
Everyone has been telling me that it’s “normal” to feel this way.
But I’m not used to “normal”.
It seems so much easier to deal with the abnormal.
For me, at least.
I even miss arguing with you.
To put it into perspective, that’s like one and a half September 11th attacks happening every second of every day.
Two Pearl Harbors every second.
A “Fat-Man” atomic bomb every fifteen.
Almost three Holocausts every hour.
Please, think before you eat.
Also, I feel like connecting with someone. So if you have any random questions that you want to discuss, or simply just want to introduce yourself, by all means, do so.
It’s hard to not look back. I feel like it was unfinished. I hate feeling like I was wrong about something I felt so strongly about for the past year and a half of my life. It’s just an incredible let-down.
Back in the dorm once again. Eating a scone. Waiting for Kitty-Cat-Catie-kins to get here so I can talk her into getting Indian food with me tonight. I should probably start studying and doing my labs. Nahhhh, I think I’ll just nap instead.