Empyreal Blue

"My thighs are thick and thunderous.
My waist is wide and wondrous.
My belly’s round in room holds the full and glowing MOON.
My hips so soft and wide hold the universe inside.
The mountains of my breasts are a living treasure chest
And these legs are mighty stumps to support this mountainous rump.
NOW some will try to strip and starve me.
Some will try to mold and carve me.
But there is nothing more belittling than that narrow-minded whittliing.
I ain’t gonna do no breast reduction.
AIN’T gonna get no Liposuction
And your new fab diet I AIN’T gonna buy it
UHHH UHHH.
My thighs are thick and thunderous.
My waist is wide and wondrous.
This body that was sent to me is the form that it was meant to be
UHHH HUHH."

Okay, so, I really don’t know what to do about this.

Jon admitted to me last night that my size kind of makes him uncomfortable. I’m very open and honest with myself and with other people, so this just kind of came up as if it were any other conversation of ours. He knows how much I like myself, and how much I appreciate it when people are upfront with me, so it wasn’t really out of the blue, but it’s really sticking with me.

He didn’t just say that, he also said that he preferred skinny girls and just straight up doesn’t like fat girls (but he “likes me”). We have talked about this before, and how I am comfortable with the word “fat” and how I am “fat”, but I kind of wished he had told me this sooner rather than now. I feel duped.

Also, what he said that probably hit me the hardest, was that he would be afraid of what people thought if he were seen with me, especially his parents. He thinks people would “pity” him.

I like him, and I know he likes me a lot, but this bothers the shit out of me.

I am nothing to be embarrassed of, and I never want to be that person. I deserve to be loved and appreciated and thought of as a gorgeous human being, regardless of who I am seeing. Every single person who is in a relationship deserves that. I understand he is only human, and he can’t help the way society has molded him. I understand that he is “trying to change his mindset”, and he admitted that he now has more of an appreciation for “bigger girls” since he’s been seeing me…

…But I still can’t help but feel like this is complete and utter fucking bullshit.

I am sick and fucking tired of being the person who isn’t good enough. And fuck, if I am going to let my walls down and let you into my life, you better be ready to take all of me, and you better be ready to love all of me. I am not sub-human, so please do not treat me as such just because I have fat on my body.

I like being fat.

So, I don’t know whether I should completely say “fuck it”, or stick around and help him conquer this warped mindset.. Because I understand that he is only human.

But fuck, I’m only human too.